in progess

about the subject she simply replied she hadn’t put too much energy into it in fact had purposely waited until that just waking moment when the day doesn’t feel like it is happening through the window and the gray is still looming above. she dreamed about it well actually heard it while she dreamt and said it sounded like a mantra for condition similar to the overly simplified one she molded her routines around earlier but this string of words seemed to feel a bit more weighty, though she acted as if she did not know at all and in that sense she really didn’t know and convinced herself that the small voice was just a puff made up of dust particles and cigarette ashes that when mixed had the same effect as juicy opium squares, like those nights at work in those idle moments of movement and mindless chatter comforting her from productive solitude. it was funny because she couldn’t place her finger on the year and with each one the green formica remained shining and the display case on its three year rotation. it was looking up each time to a slimmer frame more apathetic or just plain tired that she began to wish she could see herself walking by or more so what those walking by noticed about her own, if they could notice anything about the girl that sat smally sometimes behind the desk.

solipsist missive

half way up the stairs
the wall the banister
my hands with weight pushed
fall through the wall
dragging up finger tips
through lucid molecules
the spectrum of colors
extended to the door
from underneath

shadows follow darkness
over pace the floor
the gray air makes quiet
my arm through the wall
plucking water and the next step
behind down
without footing in bed
pulling at the elastic sheet
until there is no stretch

the willing and the accomplice: a prologue

as usual, a vague response was expected. it follows then that what must be done
to fully understand the point(s) of what is trying to manifest should also be expected.

the only basis that a conclusion can be drawn on is tone and while the willing
wants to believe the tone to be laced with sweetness there are moments

when just the opposite appears to be the case. of course, there is slight joking:
this is to be expected. normally, the willing feels like her actions should be defended

to the point of finding the loophole, an escape from situations that leave her inadvertently responsible for the emotions of others but today she sees no reason to defend herself,

and, on the contrary, it appears that the willing deems it unnecessary. the willing
sees no reason why she should not love the accomplice, being that she has all along

and while this conversation seems to be leading up to the sex issue, physicality means much more than that to the willing. she apologizes if there has been a misunderstanding.

the willing is searching for absolute companionship, while sex, _________ the meaning of it. That being said, there is a somber cloud that haunts the willing, a melancholy

so great that it burrows back behind the liver (R.E. The Anatomy of Melancholy -Burton) where no corporeal answer can reach. so it is. but what the willing has learned

is that it is better to attempt those things that can be achieved and in order to do so
one must change approach and expectation. the willing has known for many years

that the accomplice was the closest she would ever come to finding someone with a similar problem and that because of this similarity they are inevitability stuck playing

the same card-game with one another without ever being able to declare a winner.
this the willing is sure of. but as far as everything else goes, the willing cannot tell

if the actuality of existence has anything but slight meaning and yet she has resigned herself to follow the popular formula of living, which requires degrees and money

as well as future stability. it is here that the lives of the willing and the accomplice cross and pose practical problems. in the corporeal world there are problems and to reiterate

a point made by the accomplice, the only solution is and can be time. beyond
that the willing does not know how to make any situation they experience together

more natural and at times even, she feels that it is only natural that they should collide with one another for brief moments in order to escape the pollution and taint that stains

mundane living-relationships. the willing has learned that absolute companionship
can and must exist sometimes without encouragement, that it must essentially

prevail a midst decisions that are made naively and with haste. it is here
that the willing finds comfort and hopes to eventually reach the accomplice.